Uh… writing. I can’t even. Oh but I must. It’s good to be real and authentic, right? Although I confess, I haven’t even made it a priority to do so. Let’s talk about what I am afraid to talk about. The real, the raw, and the kinda comical. All behind the scenes at www.cottercrunch.com
(photo curtsey of my lovely from Lindsay at PoY workshop)
That is until today. I’m stopping the “must be productive ” mind chatter to discuss life. I am not going to even apologize for lack of recipe today. GASP!
And… here we are. Another behind the Lens (Scenes) of life. Or rather, behind the iPhone. LOL! I’m actually typing this on my phone at the airport.
If you missed the first behind the lens, just go back to this post about worth.
So, what’s really going on at the Crazy Cotter household? What have I been afraid to tell you?
Pull up a chair and let’s have some coffee talk and baked donuts. Warning, you might laugh and cry in this post. Oh, and there is no judging me for my grammar. Mmm k? Raw and real, kinda like my husband’s awesome hair. YO!
Side note: How cute is my husband? Yes, I made him pose like this. ? What a champ!
Okay okay focus Lindsay, focus. Face the FEAR.
8 Things I am Afraid to Tell You
- I am terrified of money and social media, but we’ll save the social media fears for another day. .You see, after 10 years of marriage, chasing a dream (pro triathlon), and living paycheck to paycheck, I still have this scarcity mindset. Thankfully God has provided us with abundant work and we are no longer in that place. Except I continued to act like we were. Does that make sense? These past few years, money has been a stronghold in my life because I was so AFRAID of not having enough again. It mentally exhausted me and any talk about money/payments gave me anxiety. I worked more and more just for the sake of feeling secure. And you know where that led me? No where. In fact, it made me question my trust in God’s plan, which is very much NOT LIKE ME. Thankfully, my family and husband helped me realize this and I am working on letting go knowing that God is sovereign in his plans. I am rebuilding my relationship with money now. Starting with this book, The Law of Divine Compensation
- Now, this money fear lead me to another issue.. You see, about a month ago my husband was laid off. In fact, his whole company was bought out and laid off. Just all of a sudden. I freaked. In fact, I panicked. I overreacted and I emotionally pushed my husband far far away. Our marriage was probably the worst it had been in a long time all due to my fears. Yep. I was that over-reactive stress ball of a wife. But you know what? I am so so thankful for that time because it made us break down and build back up. It made us come up with a plan. And it made me shift from focus from frantic to GRATEFUL! My husband immediately flew down to Austin and started interviewing with companies. He’s there staying with family. I stayed in Utah, but have been working on restructuring our business (Cotter Crunch) to be more fruitful, organized, and authentic. It was time to revamp that ONE THING FOCUS! Oh and promote cookbook schtuff!
- I have let negativity rule my life this past year. You know when something disappointing happens and you let it get to you? Then another, and another, and another? Your head becomes full of negative thoughts that just recycle over and over again. I was in that trap Nothing positive allowed. In fact, if I did have positive thoughts, I felt guilty. How sad. My confidence dwindled and the self loathing talk was a daily battle. This effected how I represented my work and even how I “promoted” my cookbook, etc. I never thought anything was good enough. The shift? Well, I’m still working on that, but there have been a few moments that truly helped me break negativity! One of them was a sermon from the Well Church. The other was a book called letting go. Truly a great book to retrain your brain from those negative thoughts.
- All this negativity and lack of confidence pushed me to believe I didn’t deserved help, any help, yet I was letting work slay me and rule my life. That had to to change. So guess what? I HIRED ON SITE HELP! Yep, I was afraid to tell you I have help. SO SO wrong! So let’s scratch that and rephrase. I AM NOW beyond excited tell you I put money fears aside and hired an amazing friend, project manager, and assistant. I also hired a business coach. Two things I always wanted to do for Cotter Crunch. We can’t evolve into better humans and businesses without people who motivate us, coach us, or support us! Am I right?
So friends, meet ALEX! She’s part of the Cotter Crunch Team and is basically managing all my brain. I adore her and I know you will you! You’ll see her in IG stories and her lovely hands have already graced the pages of some photos. Like these tacos! Also, you know what else is amazing about Alex? She has the heart of GOLD! Her and her husband are raising money so they can get back to Samoa and take supplies for the hurricane relief project. Go check out her GO FUND ME page, just do it! Mmm k?
Also, huge shout out to Laurie (my VA)! Laurie the most supportive friend and virtual assistant ever, especially when I was working long long nights writing the cookbook. TRUE BLESSING!
Okay now let’s lighten things up!
- I caved. I started using beauty counter. Why? Because making my husband go buy me hemorrhoid cream (to put under my eyes) was just not that glamorous! See, my husband is true champ! But I am so glad I did because I think it’s working. Shout out to my friend Heather for hooking me up on that eye cream.
- Speaking of eyes… I now have eye lash extensions. GASP! Who am I? But again, I have a story. You see, I became friends with an amazing esthetician here (Hi Nikki), and we started trading trades. She would fancy up my eyes with eye lashes and in return, I would teach her how to meal prep and cook a few staple recipes!I posted the fun on IG stories last Sunday. We made superfood oatmeal jars and BBQ salmon meal prep bowls! It was so so fun! Not gonna lie, the eye lash extensions are addicting. I just wake up and put on blush and go. OMG it’s amazing! I feel like my eyes are so much brighter. Which come in handy when I am shooting INSPO recipe videos.
- Oh recipe videos… here’s the real raw truth about those. I cannot for the life of me cut/chop food properly. In fact, whenever we have Inspo recipe video shoots, we have to spend extra time filming my chopping segments because I am sooooo bad. Go check out my cookbook video. Those chopping shots took A LONG TIME to get right! Yep, truck scrappy chef here. As a cookbook author and food blogger, I feel like I let you all down with these lack of skills. Haha! Needless to say, my mandoline slicer s my best friend. I’ll get there, maybe one day. If you know of any awesome YouTube videos to improve my culinary knife skills, send them my way!
- At last but not least…. RAW RAW RAW. Yep, it’s raw cookie dough. You see, since my husband has been away, I’ve developed a few bad eating habits. Um… like buying a $12 roll of paleo vegan cookie dough and eating it straight up at night. With a glass of wine. But hey, there could be worse habits, right? Or maybe I should just make my own vegan chocolate chip cookies and save the $12. First world problems.
Okay I feel like I could share a ton more but maybe we just start there. I’ll practice my vulnerability and get back to you in say… about a month or two?
Tell me one thing you want to get off your chest! No fear, no judgement here. Mmm k?
Thank you for listening friends.
Thank for your post! It is easy to understand, detailed and meticulous! I have had a lot of harvest after watching this article from you! I feel it interesting, your post gave me a new perspective! I have read many other articles about the same topic, but your article convinced me! I hope you continue to have high quality articles like this to share with veryone!
These are my absolute favorite posts!! <3 love you lady! Glad to see you're doing so well! Alex is such a lucky lady to work with you!
Love the raw and that includes the ridiculously expensive cookie dough that I too have been eating. I have thought a lot about you this year, I’m so glad you’re getting help
Cassie Thuvan Tran
Opening up about the struggles of being a blogger and how it can influence your quality of life is really brave of you, Lindsay! I can really resonate to working so hard that you allow uncertainty of how well your content will do to rule your life and interfere with your relationships and ability to love working. It’s important to remain confident in yourself and remember that LOVING what you do is key! I always look forward to reading your recipes, but this personal post about the ups and downs with blogging is incredible!
Friend, I echo so much of what was said here already – most that you have come so far and worked SO hard to get where you are today. Clawing your way up from some lows with grit, grace and determination, not to mention faith. You inspire me to push my own negative thoughts aside, to let go (I need to buy that book, I think I just may!) of all of that noise and be content with where and who I am. I’ve been reading Body Kindness and it has really been helping me from my own mental dark spaces (so easy for our minds to ping pong back and forth on all that crap isn’t it?!). I am praying for you both on your next step, whereever you land, and know you two can conquer the world. Love you to the moon! XOXO
Thank you friend. I so wish we lived closer. I know you can relate and we all need that accountability, yes?
Thank you for opening up – I know it’s hard to do! But wow – God is at work even in then midst of the mess! I’ve struggled with money too and my mindset around it; it’s hard to let go of, but I’m so comforted by the truth that’s god says the one thing we can test him with is money – if we are generous to give back to him, he will provide for us! That has continued to Ben true in our lives, and with me on mat leave and without no benefits or salary, we keep seeing gid provide. Money can sure come between people too, and I’m so glad you and JAmes are together in Austin and rebuilding – seeing you guys in the kitchen made me smile! You are beautiful, hard working, real, fun and an incredible woman; keep leaning into Jesus, sharing, your story your story, and inspiring me in the kitchen and life! ❤️
Your words are so perfect! And I am so glad to hear that God provided more than enough for you guys. What a blessing and now you are helping others see that faith!
You’re so inspiring! Thanks for being such an amazing friend and always giving me good advice! (And thanks for the shoutout) also, i love that you and Alex have become the dream team! Love you guys!!!
Okay, I hardly ever comment, but I love your honesty here. This is SO necessary in the blogosphere. Thank you for the honest picture of your life and good luck and much hand-raising on this new life transition!
Jamie, thank you! It’s so nice to hear from you. I totally appreciate your kind words and realness. It makes me want to share more often. I appreciate you!
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table
Lindsay Cotter, you are a total rockstar. Having the balls to get help when you need it, to step back and rebuild rather than apply a band-aid… those are HUGE things. I’m so honored to call you a friend.
Also, eyelash extensions ARE addicting. I’m a year into mine and I cannot quit.
You, my friend, are AMAZING! You inspire me SO much. Thank you for opening up your heart here. I admit you made me laugh and tear up. I have dealt with financial fears too. It’s like I don’t trust God to be Who He says He is and I don’t want to be that way. Ya know? We have to cling to what we know to be true of Him and smash those fears with that truth.
I’m forever thankful to God for bringing you into my life and for the friendship that has developed beyond our work relationship. I, too, would recommend listening to “Fear is a Liar” as another commenter mentioned. I bet it becomes your new favorite song as its truth sinks deep into your heart! It’s definitely a favorite for me. Hugs!!
Here’s the song link: https://g.co/kgs/DPzptc
Appreciate this post so much (always appreciate your posts, but you know what I mean). Sending hugs – you know you have my 100% support. One thing to get off my chest? I miss the weather in Vegas I experiences for 5 days! Now I’m back in Ohio and freezing, haha.
Thank you so much Liz! And I appreciate you. Stay warm, ok? No fear haha.
Carol Delli Carpini
Lindsay keep the faith!! You’re doing great…I check your newsletter everyday and have made your creations!! All wonderful! HUGGS!!
Thank you so much Carol. I truly appreciate it. <3
Friend, you are amazing. You’ve come SO far in the few years that I’ve known you!! So proud of your hard work and dedication, but even more so of your faith, vulnerability, and willingness to admit your brokenness and submit to GRACE. I can’t wait to see where the Lord leads y’all next (but secretly hoping it’s back to Austin!!!). xoxo
Amen to grace! And you! Gosh I miss you. Thank you for always supporting. How are you?
Susie @ Suzlyfe
Whelp, I wrote you a super longcomment, and then my phone internet had an issue and it went bye bye. The general gist and nub is that I hope you and Kiwi took the deep breath that was necessary, that you and he are gems that might just need to get new settings in the same ring, and that I’m overeating everything, especially chocolate. And I have ideas of working out but no willpower to do it. Now I’m going to run before the internet craps out on me again! Love you, LCC
ahhh i hate it when that happens. But you know what? Everything you said is perfect and I love your honesty too! i have loved following your journey (realness) and having you as a friend. HUGS!
Oh my goodness, I struggle with money fear too! Thanks for sharing. Love your blog!
We can be a support team. <3
Tara | Treble in the Kitchen
Thanks for sharing the real Lindsay! That’s who we love 🙂 And I’m so glad things are on the upswing!
I’m so proud of you. Proud of all you have accomplished, proud of you baring your heart, proud of the way you continue to strive for authenticity. Love you friend!
I puffy heart you so very much and I’m so happy you shared this despite your blogging success. It seems the bigger bloggers get, the less they open up and I miss that vulnerability. You gave it to us today and I so very much appreciate it. Thank you for sharing.
Also, I told you your cookbook was awesome. You really should listen to me more.
P.S. It’s hard to break the monetary mindset when you’ve lived through tough times. It’s also hard to retrain the brain not to leap back there when something scary happens (like loss of a job). Sometimes when I stress unnecessarily I try to imagine the very worst thing that could happen: the Hubby loses his job, he can’t find new work, we lose the house and have to downsize or move in with our parents while we get back on our feet. Ultimately, that’s not very likely to happen and even if it did, I’d still have a roof over my head and people who love me.
i have no other words here but –> THANK YOU!! I so needed to hear this and I adore you more. I feel like your my mental health mentor. Really. And I appreciate and value the realness of our friendship. You are a badass my friend.
Traci | Vanilla And Bean
Oh Linds… so much going on. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling, but you’ve taken the proverbial bull by the horns. That takes courage! I hope your husband lands another job soon.. that can be so unsettling. You’ve worked so hard and your book is gorgeous! You have so much to be proud of. And those lashes … I have lash envy! Tight hugs to you my friend… xo
Thank you so much for opening up!!! Fear can swallow us whole if we let it…definitely a snowball effect! The song “Fear is a Liar” has been playing on repeat for me lately!! My confession…I love my 3 children dearly but more often than not lately I feel like I’m drowning!!! Between being a mom, keeping a house, working full time as a teacher, and somehow finding time to exercise and see my husband I am ready to tap out! I know I need to lean into God…to let Him take the wheel…to trust!
Oh friend! I’m glad you shared. We are all here to support each other! I listened to this podcast and thought of you. It’s about rest https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/journeywomen/id1244331156?mt=2&i=1000407990374
Thank you! <3 I will have to listen!!