Welcome to Life Behind the Scenes. A glimpse of what really goes on and how we can support each other through life’s obstacles.
(photo credit PoY)
I’m thinking about starting a series called Life Behind the Scenes. Maybe this will keep me accountable to actually SHARING life. I kinda miss it. I spent 4 months straight with my head in La La land going a million miles an hour to finish my cookbook. I didn’t even have time for realness. And to be honest, I didn’t allow myself to “feel” realness. I just kept going at a high speed so I couldn’t. That was until I was pulled away from the so called “busyness” train and stopped to breathe.
*SIGH* Air. Fresh Air.
This little space of mine should be a place of welcomed vulnerability and communication. So please hold me accountable. Capeesh?
Let’s begin this series.
Here’s where I share my thoughts about becoming a workaholic. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my work, but you’ll see what I mean in a minute.
Hint —> don’t ever let you work consume you and your worth.
And here (behind the scenes) I will share my thoughts.. my realizations… my much needed LIFE AWAKENING after a week of a REAL vacation.
Hint –> I was able breathe, slow down, and rest (for the most part), and be present with the man I married 10 years ago.
3 things I learned while RESTING on VACATION.
This was a true vacation, a holiday spent reconnecting with my husband and celebrating 10 years of what we call an “endurance” marriage (more on that below).
- Showing my scars after 13 months post colon surgery actually gave me confidence. Battle wounds of life are meant to be seen. I put years of stress on this body, God healed (is healing) me day by day. I am softer, yet stronger. These scars and flaws remind me that confidence comes from Him and within, not on outward appearances. I kinda needed that rude awakening.
- I (we) resist mental stillness and rest because the “hustle” gives a sense of accomplishment. I actually think a lot of society does this. Yes? We fake busy in order to feel significant or accomplished. That’s me to a T! It wasn’t until I had to tell myself NOT TO THINK on vacation, just be present and in the moment, that I realized this. Listening to Brooke Castillo from life coach school podcast truly opened my EARS and EYES.
“Busyness is mental laziness and lack of planning. Define that word for yourself and then never use it in your vocabulary. You can only do one thing at a time, at all times. “Busyness is a mental construct revealing how much thinking about, not how much you are doing. “
- And last but not least. The AWAKENING behind the scenes moment here. —-> MISPLACED WORTH. I have spent months… okay years, putting my worth in my work instead of my marriage and relationship with God. Did you catch that? It was a heavy one.
Let’s back this hefty train up and start from the beginning.
Marriage In a nut shell (a lot left out but you’ll get the point).
- January 4th 2008 the Kiwi (my New Zealand Husband) and I get married..
- 2008-2015 we pursue (together) my husband’s professional triathlon career. Me being Sherpa wife (read my about page for that)
- End of 2015 after much hardship and injuries, he retires.
- 2015-2016 The kiwi searches for new career, starting over from scratch. Meanwhile I double my work and efforts in all areas to help support us.
- 2016 I quit my fitness instructor job to have colon surgery and heal.
- End of 2016 to 2017 husband gets new job offer in Utah, we move cross country, and I accept a cookbook deal.
- Currently 2017. I shifted all MY WORTH to performance base work. Still trying to recover from colon surgery, because of the amount of stress I put on myself and body this past year. And I blamed my husband for every wrong thing that was going on in our life.
- My work, my efforts, my self desires had become my sense of self worth. My husband, on the other hand, was trying to do his best to make me happy, us happy. Poor guy.
Phew! That’s a lot of truth explosion for a food blog post. but y’all, I wanted to share my humanness. And I wanted to share my gratitude for these hardships. Because without verbally recognizing all that’s been said and done, we can’t move forward.
Good Health, true love, wealth or success, happiness. From a young age, we are all chasing after these things, wouldn’t you agree? But what really happens is that we realize it’s almost impossible to have them all, so we hone in on one and cling to it for life, literally.
My worth and focus went from feelings of love and confidence then quickly shifted to needing to work more and more due to fear. I quickly became joyless and resentful. My worth was misplaced and measured ALL WRONG. In fact, work was the only thing that made me feel good, good as in that same sense of busyness and significance I mentioned above.
Have you ever don’t that? Chase after something that will never satisfy you? It’s exhausting my friends. Job, career, a relationship, a title, a new house, car, addicting habit, and etc. anything that buffers what you’re really feeling in life.. unworthy.
Nowhere in the book of life does it say we need to be and feel happy 100% of the time. We have permission to feel negative emotions. I get that. But here’s where it gets good y’all.
In recognizing and sharing our unworthy negative feelings, those raw real feelings, we heal and slow down. We find a renewed joy. We find our self worth. And our eyes are open to just home much we are LOVED! No amount work, workout, wealth, or accomplishment can give you that.
Acceptance and gratitude and grace from God can!
I think Pastor Rick’s Article Your Work and Your Worth summed it up perfectly. Especially with this quote.
God says we have two options: We can either spend all of our time keeping up with the Joneses, or we can forget them and reduce our stress level. But we can’t have both.
That’s how this becomes a question of values. Do you want more stuff, or do you want less stress and more time with your family? The choice is yours.
When is enough, enough? You can win the rat race, but you’re still a rat!
All I can think about now, as my husband and I jump back into the so called “rat race,” is how can I (we) prevent this from happening again? How do we stop the hustle and the feelings of WORK is LIFE? I’m not sure we can ever be 100% free of that feeling, but becoming aware of it is half the battle.
We can ask for accountability in the places we struggle with negative thinking or overcommitment. We can take 10 minutes, each day, to shift our focus on SLOWING DOWN. We can practice Gratitude. Gratefulness for the gifts God has given us… the gifts right in front of us.
What’s your life behind the scenes look like? What areas do you need accountability in?
I’m all in! Do share!
p.s Normal Recipes and nerdy nutrition posts later this week. Mwah!