Welcome to Life Behind the Scenes. A glimpse of what really goes on and how we can support each other through life’s obstacles.
(photo credit PoY)
I’m thinking about starting a series called Life Behind the Scenes. Maybe this will keep me accountable to actually SHARING life. I kinda miss it. I spent 4 months straight with my head in La La land going a million miles an hour to finish my cookbook. I didn’t even have time for realness. And to be honest, I didn’t allow myself to “feel” realness. I just kept going at a high speed so I couldn’t. That was until I was pulled away from the so called “busyness” train and stopped to breathe.
*SIGH* Air. Fresh Air.
This little space of mine should be a place of welcomed vulnerability and communication. So please hold me accountable. Capeesh?
Let’s begin this series.
Here’s where I share my thoughts about becoming a workaholic. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my work, but you’ll see what I mean in a minute.
Hint —> don’t ever let you work consume you and your worth.
And here (behind the scenes) I will share my thoughts.. my realizations… my much needed LIFE AWAKENING after a week of a REAL vacation.
Hint –> I was able breathe, slow down, and rest (for the most part), and be present with the man I married 10 years ago.
3 things I learned while RESTING on VACATION
This was a true vacation, a holiday spent reconnecting with my husband and celebrating 10 years of what we call an “endurance” marriage (more on that below).
- Showing my scars after 13 months post colon surgery actually gave me confidence. Battle wounds of life are meant to be seen. I put years of stress on this body, God healed (is healing) me day by day. I am softer, yet stronger. These scars and flaws remind me that confidence comes from Him and within, not on outward appearances. I kinda needed that rude awakening.
- I (we) resist mental stillness and rest because the “hustle” gives a sense of accomplishment. I actually think a lot of society does this. Yes? We fake busy in order to feel significant or accomplished. That’s me to a T! It wasn’t until I had to tell myself NOT TO THINK on vacation, just be present and in the moment, that I realized this. Listening to Brooke Castillo from life coach school podcast truly opened my EARS and EYES.
“Busyness is mental laziness and lack of planning. Define that word for yourself and then never use it in your vocabulary. You can only do one thing at a time, at all times. “Busyness is a mental construct revealing how much thinking about, not how much you are doing. “
- And last but not least. The AWAKENING behind the scenes moment here. —-> MISPLACED WORTH. I have spent months… okay years, putting my worth in my work instead of my marriage and relationship with God. Did you catch that? It was a heavy one.
Let’s back this hefty train up and start from the beginning.
Marriage In a nut shell (a lot left out but you’ll get the point).
- January 4th 2008 the Kiwi (my New Zealand Husband) and I get married..
- 2008-2015 we pursue (together) my husband’s professional triathlon career. Me being Sherpa wife (read my about page for that)
- End of 2015 after much hardship and injuries, he retires.
- 2015-2016 The kiwi searches for new career, starting over from scratch. Meanwhile I double my work and efforts in all areas to help support us.
- 2016 I quit my fitness instructor job to have colon surgery and heal.
- End of 2016 to 2017 husband gets new job offer in Utah, we move cross country, and I accept a cookbook deal.
- Currently 2017. I shifted all MY WORTH to performance base work. Still trying to recover from colon surgery, because of the amount of stress I put on myself and body this past year. And I blamed my husband for every wrong thing that was going on in our life.
- My work, my efforts, my self desires had become my sense of self worth. My husband, on the other hand, was trying to do his best to make me happy, us happy. Poor guy.
Phew! That’s a lot of truth explosion for a food blog post. but y’all, I wanted to share my humanness. And I wanted to share my gratitude for these hardships. Because without verbally recognizing all that’s been said and done, we can’t move forward.
Good Health, true love, wealth or success, happiness. From a young age, we are all chasing after these things, wouldn’t you agree? But what really happens is that we realize it’s almost impossible to have them all, so we hone in on one and cling to it for life, literally.
My worth and focus went from feelings of love and confidence then quickly shifted to needing to work more and more due to fear. I quickly became joyless and resentful. My worth was misplaced and measured ALL WRONG. In fact, work was the only thing that made me feel good, good as in that same sense of busyness and significance I mentioned above.
Have you ever don’t that? Chase after something that will never satisfy you? It’s exhausting my friends. Job, career, a relationship, a title, a new house, car, addicting habit, and etc. anything that buffers what you’re really feeling in life.. unworthy.
Nowhere in the book of life does it say we need to be and feel happy 100% of the time. We have permission to feel negative emotions. I get that. But here’s where it gets good y’all.
In recognizing and sharing our unworthy negative feelings, those raw real feelings, we heal and slow down. We find a renewed joy. We find our self worth. And our eyes are open to just home much we are LOVED! No amount work, workout, wealth, or accomplishment can give you that.
Acceptance and gratitude and grace from God can!
I think Pastor Rick’s Article Your Work and Your Worth summed it up perfectly. Especially with this quote.
God says we have two options: We can either spend all of our time keeping up with the Joneses, or we can forget them and reduce our stress level. But we can’t have both.
That’s how this becomes a question of values. Do you want more stuff, or do you want less stress and more time with your family? The choice is yours.
When is enough, enough? You can win the rat race, but you’re still a rat!
All I can think about now, as my husband and I jump back into the so called “rat race,” is how can I (we) prevent this from happening again? How do we stop the hustle and the feelings of WORK is LIFE? I’m not sure we can ever be 100% free of that feeling, but becoming aware of it is half the battle.
We can ask for accountability in the places we struggle with negative thinking or overcommitment. We can take 10 minutes, each day, to shift our focus on SLOWING DOWN. We can practice Gratitude. Gratefulness for the gifts God has given us… the gifts right in front of us.
What’s your life behind the scenes look like? What areas do you need accountability in?
I’m all in! Do share!
p.s Normal Recipes and nerdy nutrition posts later this week. Mwah!
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf
Lindsay, this post. Man. I feel like I”m stuck in a cycle of busy and hustle and it makes me wonder if I’m chasing after something that ultimately won’t satisfy me. It’s something that’s been on my mind a lot. I’m so glad that you and James had this time together to slow down and BE together. Love you. xo
Have you listen to Brook Castillo of self coach podcast? She has really helped me open my eyes to what is important as an entrepreneur. I’m always here for you! I get it. <3
heather @Lunging Through Life
Hi Lindsay! I have been reading but not commenting lately but this post really hit me. I am so sorry you’ve been going through so so much. I had dreams of my blog being big and making all this money, but in reality, I just don’t have time to make it happen so I’ve taken away that stress and it’s so much freeing! Love hearing more about life behind the scenes, though!
So good to hear from you Heather. I totally understand! I think once we allow our dreams to evolve as Gods plans, not ours, it can be extremely freeing! Please keep in touch! Ok?
I absolutely love this post, great message! Thanks for sharing. I like the idea of you starting Life Behind the Scenes series!
Thank you so much Whitney. I appreciate your feedback ❤️
It is nice food and testy lunch and dinner
I flipping love you and I’m so thankful that you shared. You know I’m always praying for you, for you both, and am on your side.
Love you friend <3
Love you more friend. Thank you for always supporting!
Lindsay, this blog post totally resonated with me. Working a 9-5 that I like but doesn’t bring me hot, desperately trying to grow a blog, trying to seek my real passion which is holistic health and nutrition, being married… it’s a lot most days! Thank you for your sincere openness and honesty about the hustle of real life. It’s one thing to know we need to slow down and something else entirely to actually DO IT. I needed this reminder to relax, slow down and just trust that the Lord guides my steps every single day. Whatever you do, do it all to the glory of the Lord!
Friend. I ADORE every.single.word. of this post. I can’t even put into words how blown away I am by EVERYTHING you said. I kept saying I was so thrilled that you two had this chance to get away but I didn’t realize just how much you both needed this reset and am so so so glad that you were granted this gift of TIME. To be present. To be together. To just be. Time is truly a gift that I don’t think we give our loved ones nearly enough of. Not even close. Let alone complete present time. Your post is a reminder of that — never, ever, ever take for granted the loved one sitting right in front of you who loves you more than life itself — life is too short, too fleeting, too special to do anything less. LOVE YOU! Thank you for this post and reminder, I needed it very much. xo
Friend, I just emailed you a long rambling reply to your blog…but in short, I am blown away by your words and your realizations and so so so relate on so many levels here. And I just adore how open, honest, real and transparent you are. There are SO many bloggers, instagrammers, Facebookers galore that are in this biz now that say one thing and do another and preach preach preach their ways and then don’t actually abide by them. Not you, you have always been YOU and real and realistic. Love you my friend and am honored to CALL you my friend and have you in my life xoxo
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table
I heart you brother. I totally get it. I spent my late 20s trying to reach the top… then met Vegas and it all changed. However, moving across the country, leaving my home, and shoving my corporate career away with both hands has been a struggle. It’s lonely and sometimes I feel aimless without my ladder. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t change a thing though. I’m extremely lucky to have a patient partner, because I am a handful!
ahh yes, so agree! thankful for our loving truthful spouses bro!!
Love this post, and you, sweet lady! I had no idea of everything you’ve been through. Hang in there, friend! You rock! <3 Phil. 4:13
Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious
I can relate to SO much of this. I know now the reason I got sick in 2014 was because of stress and the wanting to feel successful, but eventually working 80 hours a week and traveling all over the world puts one foot in the grave. Now I’m much more aware. However, there are moments when I know I’m doing too much. I’m grateful for getting sick to wake my eyes to that and for my now boyfriend who forces me to stop working every night when he gets home and demands my attention.
Praise God for those moments. We can take with a grain of salt and learn. Right? I’m glad you have good accountability too, he’s a smart one!
This made me cry. So much truth. I love your sharing. I’m so GRATEFUL for your friendship 🙂 If I’ve learned anything in the past 3+ years… We live in a world where we like to “glorify” busy (which I don’t care to keep up with anymore) & that scars tell stories, but Jesus heals them so we can tell them <3
You know I love this. AMEN! Wise words my friend. Thankful!
Erin @ Erin's Inside Job
Aw thanks for sharing! You know I love these types of posts. I’m so glad you were able to actually rest and vacation and make these realizations. Now that you’re aware, you’re better equipped to find balance and not let them happen as readily. Also, YAY COOKBOOK!
Thank you friend. I trusty you can hold me accountable then right? Haha. Just smack me … virtually.
Aw I love you and I really enjoy these more personal and open posts. We’re all human and struggling with something and it’s refreshing to recognize we’re not alone.
In the past, I struggled with working too much and having far too much stress as a result. My solution was to stop working. Granted that’s not necessarily why I stopped, but it changed my work perspective on life entirely. I don’t think I could ever go back to that same lifestyle. It’s no longer what’s important for me. That being said, I struggle these days with sometimes wanting more than to be a stay at home mom and then the inevitable guilt for not enjoying every minute with my child and wanting something else. Sigh. It’s a process.
this is why i’m scared to be a mom. LOL! I’ll work on my issues first. You amaze me! Thank you for sharing your struggles as well friend
Natasha @ Salt & Lavender
I loved reading this post! I can relate to so much of it. I’ve been hustling for 2+ years now, trying desperately to build my blog up into something that will let me “retire” from my well-paid day job. I’ve been ramping up the work massively, I’ve cut out my social life… etc. I did let myself relax a bit on my recent trip, but it is hard for me to unwind. And yeah, I definitely measure my worth by my blog these days. I will continue hustling, but I think it is so important to stop and smell the roses once in a while. And I think it’s important that you let your body heal. I’m definitely trying to be kind to myself in ways that I never did before… like eating better, and actually exercising! I’m definitely a work in progress. I’m glad you were able to enjoy your trip. 🙂
I totally understand girl! I’ve been blogging for 8 years. It’s changed a bunch. Take it one day at a time and focus on the positive! You have so much talent. Xxoo happy to support you
Sam @ Bites of Wellness
Lindsay I swear I was meant to stop by here today. This message, especially the quotes from Pastor Rick’s are hitting home right now. We sold the gym and moved across the country because we weren’t happy in the rat race. But already I see myself getting too caught up in social media and trying to do all the things. I need to spend some time slowing down and being grateful that I was able to make the decision to leave and to trust that God has a plan.
Oh friend! I so get it! It’s hard not to. THat’s one reason we want to move back to NZ, a different lifestyle. But we must choose that perpsective first, right?