Whoa, how’s that for a title?! But it’s real folks, and sometimes we need to a little slap of reality, in a good “AH HA” way. Am I right?
So today’s post is not about pinterest worthy meals, nutrition, or how how to get fit in no time. It’s what I call an “honesty is the best policy post.” And thankfully, I have a husband is willing to share his story. The one where he didn’t reach his goal (physically). The one where after almost a decade of racing, it all might come to end… but on to new beginnings.
Here’s a little recap of Ironman New Zealand (and more) from the Kiwi Cotter (aka my devilishly handsome husband).
What I learned after realizing I wasn’t going to meet my goals. via James Cotter
I went into Ironman New Zealand feeling like a D list celebrity. I had done a few things in racing I was happy with in the past, but nothing recent. I still think I’m awesome and capable, but nobody is concerned when my name is on the start list now. It is a rough life people! Ironman New Zealand was going to be my new start, to reveal to everybody that I’m the athlete I think I’m capable of. I wanted top 4 or I was done.
This post is a tough one to write, because in Ironman every second really does count. I can’t stop going over situations and how I maybe should have reacted. But it is all gone now. The prep was the best I had ever done. However, on that day, I just was not good enough to deliver what I still think I’m capable of (that is what hurts the most). Not sure what is next. But I have had a hell of great ride the past 7 years. I lived to fullest, trained bloody hard, raced like crap, but met some the greatest people who I call friends today through this triathlon journey.
So instead of a report I’m just going say what I learned after realizing I wasn’t going to meet my goal. You might even take some of this with you heading into your next Ironman.
At 150km on the bike and around 30-35km on the run, you begin to suffer or question yourself about why they are doing this. This is when you enter into “the darkness”. This is were your character is really tested. You have to be able to find away to get out of this or it can ruin your race. You can’t stop, you have to continue hurting until you finish the job. You get to choice what you think and believe on course
Bad races are tough to handle for everybody. Once you finish the race and arrive home with nobody around you, you are going to have to look at yourself and answer to yourself…
Did I honestly give it all and fight as hard as I could?
Even though the race went south, I pushed as hard as I could. When the watts were 140-150, I kept turning the pedals. When fell on the run, I kept one foot in front of another. The last 1.5km took me 45 minutes to complete.
If you can say you focused on yourself and your race,
If you can say you chased every second to the best of your ability,
If you can say you stuck it out despite everything going against you……You have won.
And what do you do once you’ve given it all you got, but just didn’t get there?
You look at the positive, you learn from it, and move forward!
Cheers,
[Tweet “what I learned after realizing I wasn’t going to meet my goals via @cotterjp #triathlon #fitfluential”]
Thanks for sharing your story. At the end of the day, it’s all about the effort and the heart. Everyone suffers a loss at some time, although they usually don’t promulgate them which is why this post is special. Go Kiwi and Sherpa Wife. It’s all about being real.
Thank you for honestly sharing your journey with us, James. I wish you all the best moving forward. You are an amazing athlete and have an amazing wife. I’m sure you guys are still headed for greatness 🙂
I was wondering if a post like this would come up after I saw IM NZ. I love the attitude and positive outlook for the future. So sorry the dream didn’t materialize but really happy that you (both) gave it all you had and really made an effort to achieve something incredible. The journey was definitely worth it! Thank you so much for sharing!
thank you mary, that means a lot.
Lindsay, you and your husband are so inspiring! I loved seeing your pictures from New Zealand on Instagram the past few weeks. Thanks to your husband for sharing his honest story. Sometimes we think of Ironman athletes (well I do) as bionic bunnies that just keep going & it isn’t as difficult for them, but they are humans & face similar challenges as those of us who have only run half marathons. Cheers to both of you for being awesome!
thank you! we sure do appreciate that. and your support!
So heartfelt and inspiring!! Such a lesson for all of us…work hard and give it your all. You did that and so much more.
Thank you for sharing your journey and wishing you two the best in your next adventure. We’ll be waiting!! 🙂
JC, you are incredible. i am forever thankful to have had you as a coach and a friend.
Well, I’m a few days late but today this is exactly the post I needed to read because once again I tried and failed to meet one of my goals over the weekend. I love that your Kiwi said he still knows he is awesome and capable – for sure he is!!! I try to tell myself the same – I believe the capable part at least:)
What an inspiring read. Thank you for opening up and sharing this in complete honesty!
thank you for supporting!
For all the work that I know the Kiwi out into this I was so sad for him when I saw your Instagram post that day. We have all had races that ended badly, but some are harder than others, and with all the work that goes into an Iron Man I cannot imagine how tough this was for James to write and then share. Appreciate the honesty. Cannot wait to see what you two will be up to next.
I’ve read this twice already and I can’t get over the beauty in it. I understand the feeling of not achieving goals and the strength that can come with it but Kiwi’s words take it to another level. Another reason you two are perfect for each other.
James, this post really hit home. Thank you for sharing your perspective on it through experience and here’s to where the journey goes moving forward- You have amazing character.
Woah…this was powerful. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, James!
thanks for reading and supporting Kaila!
It wrenches my gut to read this straight from James. It’s SO hard to finish something when you’re just dying inside, wishing you could disappear. But he finished something I could never fathom finishing or even starting. And to have the positivity to pull himself up, sheesh that’s a HUGE test of character right there.
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. You both have such heart, soul, and dedication, to your passion, to each other and to giving everything in life your all. You HAVE won, despite not meeting that goal you set out for with this race. And that’s truly the best conclusion you can come to and KNOW deep down, that you did win, you didn’t fail, you didn’t lose, you are still awesome and amazing at your sport. Congrats, and kudos for putting it all out there. it isn’t easy to do at all.
I’m impressed James, especially reading the 45 minute 1.5k ending. One of my new favorite cowboyism is “It’s not how fast you can ride or or how high you can climb, but how well you can bounce.”
That’s kind of how my husband reacted when he had his first DNF last year. I think it was harder on me. He just realized he had given it his all but didn’t have it in him this time after a long season. It takes courage both to forge forward and to recognize when your body just can’t keep going. Triathletes are an amazing lot!!!
Going into my first and longest run of my training for my marathon of 15 miles this morning this was so great and inspiring to read! I may or may not reach the time range I want, but knowing that I did try my best and that I got up and got out there is enough for me!
Y’all are both amazing. And whatever comes next, this is only part of your story. The Lord isn’t finished with you and I know His plans are perfect, no matter how hard it is for us to see! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Still cheering and praying for you both! Xoxo
Really loved this…almost made me cry. I can relate to so much of this. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that everything happens for a reason and you have to have faith that everything will work out and one day you will look back and say “now I understand why that happened the way it did.” Cheers to the future & to never giving up!
I love the heart and soul you two bring to everything you do. This all holds true in life’s crazy little journey. I believe that if you try your best, give it all you have and focus on the little victories in life, you come out a winner no matter what! Love you two so much! Sending hugs to you both! xoxo
I am misty eyed 🙂 LOVE this! Sometimes things just don’t go how we want them to or the way that we think they should and that is just how it is….what is important is to learn from it and like you said find the positive…there IS always positive even if it is hard to find. All you can do is give your best on any given day and that has to be good enough, you have to be proud of it even when the outcome is not what you want :). Congratulations to your husband and to you for being there for him!!!!
Wow, can I relate to every word or what! I’ve definitely been there in that place, when I haven’t reached my goal and even when I did, but had to fight big time to get there mentally and physically. I’ve also questioned if I pushed myself after pretty much every race I’ve run. Thanks for a great honest post 🙂
Although it wasn’t the outcome you had hoped for, it was inspiring to read this honest post. It seemed like you guys still had a wonderful time together, and cheers to staying positive and moving forward!!
This is awesome. I love that you pushed through even when you knew it wasn’t going to end as well as you hoped. That’s a true athlete and winner.
What a journey it’s been for the both of you. James, thanks for opening up and sharing something so personal. Whatever direction you go in the future, success will follow!
Thank you for sharing the real and the raw with us. So often the internet world is all smiles and only shows the “wins”…the great days, the perfect race/kid/job/spouse/etc. I appreciate you Cotters for keeping it real and opening yourselves and your lives to help better all of us and yourselves in the process. God has truly gifted you in being able to relate to and reach and inspire others. Well done.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I knew a bit of it was coming from Lindsay’s posts but it is so hard to move on from something we wanted so badly. At 57, I relate not from an athlete’s point of view but just life & the things I have tried & hoped to make money at but did not work…. Wanting to work & like it, not just making some $ to survive which is sort of what is happening now.
I applaud that you gave it your all.. you can look back & know that you don’t have to say – If I only had tried – you did,you had great moments to remember – you did your best!
You & Lindsay are a great support team for one another. I have no doubt that the future will bring nothing but the best for you both!
I love this Cotter!! That is all!
Brilliantly said James. You have the heart of a true warrior.
LOVE hearing from you James!! I have been praying and cheering and rooting for you both from afar and want nothing but the best for you both. If it means walking away from *this* dream to pursue the *next* dream — so be it. I realize that this is a HARD thing to do…damn hard. But you two are nothing if not stronger for it (as if I thought you two could GET any stronger, damn) and I admire that very much about you both. Here’s to what lies around the bend for you both, big hugs from Boston!!
I love that you fully accept that you trained and raced your heart out – yet it still didn’t bring you to your goal, and instead of reflecting too hard on the outcome, you are already looking forward. From the beginning of the year we have read about LIndsay becoming more focused and doing her best to not burn out. Perhaps with the end of this goal you two can begin to look forward together building the next Cotter legacy! Thanks for sharing, I’m sure this was not an easy post to write!
I was thinking of you guys all weekend during that race, truly. the thing is, goal or not, you lived your dream for a good long time! you lived your passion, and you have an amazing attitude and unbreakable faith – you cannot lose those, and they will take you far in this awesome life.
you are winning every day, and are so inspirational.
sending love and prayers your way as you navigate the next chapter – LOVE to you, Cotters!
I love the honest and I’m sorry you didn’t meet your goals. I thank you for sharing your story with us as we aren’t all amazing triathletes (that in it’s self is something you should be very proud of as it take so much dedication, strength, and discipline to even get to the race), but can relate to this on some level. Many of us have set backs, what we consider “failures”, and often beat ourselves up but really it is how we handle it and what we do next that makes us stronger.
I think we can all relate to James. We have all had those moments of defeat, some big and some small. I felt your agony as I watched and instead of feeling sad for you, I felt inspired and recharged by your “Never give up” attitude. It’s not just about finishing the race, it was what you did during the race that so impressive. I also felt your sadness after it was over, but pain allows us to grow in much deeper and beautiful ways than comfort or pride will ever will. The fact that you have such a great attitude and have moved on so quickly shows your grace and style. Thank you for sharing your story James.
thanks for sharing this. it really is brave. as athletes and in life we have to wrestle with what we are going to choose to believe about ourselves when times get really dark. it’s our decisions in this space that make all the difference. wishing you many good things in the coming weeks.
Just seeing the pictures you’ve been posting tells me you won. I’ve never been able to make it past an 8k without getting injured and having to drop out. SO – to me, your hubbie is an inspiration. I love that he didn’t give up and finished.
Have a great weekend buddy 🙂
XOXO – Lori
There is just so much I love in this post, in the raw honesty and amazing attitude. James thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You both inspire me!
This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your honesty and for posting this. If you have done races, good and bad, I think, on some level this certainly resonates. You both are still just the same amount of incredible:)
What a road for you two! I love your honesty through this whole journey of ups and downs, Lindsay, and James’ reflections are so inspiring and helpful too. We never know what life will throw us so learning to enjoy the ride and letting go of some of that control is key. Wishing you both wisdom and direction in whatever is next!
Love this post – sometimes we all need to accept what has happened and look onwards and upwards to the future. It’s not easy sometimes but you have each other and that’s the main thing. You are both such awesome inspiring people and I can only imagine the exciting things that you will go on to do in the future! 🙂
You haven’t lived if you haven’t tried. And you guys have more than tried! A quote I heard recently reminds me of this. “God’s plan isn’t just the best plan it is the perfect plan. Sometimes it just isn’t always our plan. “There will be amazing stuff in store for you both. Can’t wait to see. 🙂
thank you jess, that means more than you know! xxoo
Thinking of you both after quite a year and lots of decisions. I am so glad you both had the drive to even start this journey!!!
I guess it wouldn’t be life if we made every goal we ever set for ourselves. I know for me personally, I learn the most by when I fail. Thanks for the perspective Mr. Cotter.
My heart ached for you both when I heard the KC’s race was not what he’d hoped for. I know the work and blood and sweat that went into it. We are trained to believe that if we work hard enough and never give up, success will eventually come. How that success is defined may be different from a literal win. Winning comes in many packages. You Kiwi Cotter are a winner.
I know this feeling. It is tough but I do think perservering and being resilient when that is all you have left is a victory in itself. It is so much easier to stop, to pull out of a race, to make excuses. Trekking on when you know you aren’t going to feel that winning high when you cross the finish is already winning.
There is so much that I love about this post that we all can walk away with. It is those moments afterwards, in reflection and when we’re alone when you are faced with being honest with yourself. I love that you’ve lived your life to the fullest and gave it all you have. Thanks James for sharing your thoughts. You and Lindsay inspire me to no end.
I love the realness of the post, so thank you for providing! I may not be racing Ironman races, but I can definitely identify with “the darkness,” at least to a certain extent. As long as push through that and leave it all on the field/court/track/course/hill/etc, I can hold onto that. Thank you, Kiwi. 🙂
I’m sure this was so, so hard for your husband to physically write down in a post. It’s hard to be vulnerable and it’s AMAZING he wrote this for us. Thank you, Cotter Husband.
Bloody hard to write!
“You look at the positive, you learn from it, and move forward!” <– I know this is easier said than done, but the fact that you're writing that shows me you're going in the right direction! There's something even more amazing in the future – I just know it! Love you guys!!!
…“the darkness”. This is were your character is really tested. <— Yes this is so so true. And I love that you have lived the fullest. So it didn't go like you had planned (what ever truly does?) but it's your attitude at the end of it all that speaks (shouts) volumes. You still rock in my book! You both do.
Thank the Kiwi for sharing his thoughts… it’s tough to not reach our goals but knowing we put our best effort forth is what matters… I think for myself and other amateur athletes we dont think the pros feel the same about this kinda stuff but its nice to know we all go through it. Good luck with future endeavors 🙂
This really resonates with me. I think learning from “failure” and moving forward is what life is all about. Strength comes in the ability to get back up after we’ve been knocked down, harder to do than say sometimes especially when you’ve worked so hard for something!
Digging the honesty here. I’m sure it’s hard to train so well, only to not see it come to the fruition you hoped it’d be on race day. You made some great points, keep your positive attitude going! It’ll get you farther than any successful race day 🙂
I seriously LOVE THIS POST! I am the worst for setting all these goals and then feeling like the worst human EVER when I mess up, or don’t achieve every single one of these! I am sorry the hubs didn’t do what he wanted, but he is a champ for writing this awesomeness!
Aww I love hearing from the husband! I am sorry he didn’t reach his goals, but his outlook is amazing. It’s a wonderful reminder on this Friday. Love it! Have a great weekend, you two!
Wow James, what a beautiful reflection on your training, racing and seizing the new opportunities to come, very inspiring! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Random question for you to see if we have a “small world” connection…do you know a young triathlete from Ontario named Cody Beals? Not sure how “small” the racing community is, but thought I would ask.
Happy Friday Lindsay!
I never raced against him, but had heard he is an up and coming with heaps of potential
Very cool!
love real posts. I think as a mom (another type of triathlete involving 3 different sports- diapering, feeding and disciplining) we are pressured to appear perfect, put together. Lord know we aren’t… ever! Love that first quote!
Well said, and i know that it was hard to say. I think that the first thing that you have to realize when you realize that you won’t meet you goals it that a new goal is not failure, but rather pragmatism and strategy, and that is ok. The old goal will be there, if you need it. But that new goal? It is ready and waiting for you.
I’ve been there. It’s tough to give it your all and have the outcome not quite be as good as you wanted it to be. I’m glad you aren’t questioning your training or if you did everything you could. I wish you well moving forward!
You are a badass, amazing athlete and I know that race you want was there, it just didn’t show up that day. FWIW, this is incredibly relatable for us mortals and it’s helpful to know even the pros go through it–I just wish you hadn’t had to! All the best moving forward, and no regrets looking back!
Lindsay this is exactly what I needed to read this morning! Sometimes the choice is taken out of our hands. Beyond our control. But, that’s so much easier to accept when you know deep in your heart and soul you tried to do everything right and you did the very best you could. #lifeisgood
A wonderful weekend to the Cotters!
It sounds like you both were able to enjoy the beautiful trip together and you found many strong qualities about yourself. You still speak of the sport with love so look for opportunities in the sport that may surprise you. Maybe the participant side of the sport isn’t where you need to be at this time. Your attitude and love will open doors somehow!!!