Well, it’s Friday. I have no idea how it came so fast. My brain is still in la la land from all that is going on this week and next. But I wanted to wrap up with this week with a little food for thought. Some food for thought combined with a Cotter confession.
You see, a few days ago I was asked to write a guest post for a certain company. They sent me a few topics they were hoping to focus on and one of them was HOW TO BE A BETTER SPOUSE. I immediately gravitated towards that topic because I thought it would be fun and easy to write about. Little did I know that God had other plans.
A few days went by and my thought process started to shift. I thought to myself, “ I can’t write about how to be a better spouse. I need to practice on being a BE THERE spouse first.”
I admit. I haven’t been there lately. I’ve been lost in YONKERS! Sure, I’ve cooked meals, done laundry, asked how his ride/run/swim went. But have I really BEEN THERE for my husband? Have I MADE TIME for him? Have I made him my priority instead of my work?
My answer.
Nope.
Guilty.
I’ve gone through the motions of being a BETTER spouse, but that means nothing without BEING THERE, BEING PRESENT for my husband (spouse).
Last night we went on a walk and talked about how to BE THERE for each other. Being PRESENT, AVAILABLE, and SUPPORTIVE.
Here are my top 5 Tips I am learning to PRACTICE myself.
- Be Flexible.
- Take 10 minutes for each other. Coffee date, a hike, a walk, whatever. Don’t take your phone or any other distractions.
- Don’t be selfish with YOUR time, be selfish with your TOGETHER time.
- Don’t strive to be the perfect spouse, be a HAPPY spouse.
- And last but not least—> Cook with love. I promise the food tastes better that way and is FAR MORE APPRECIATED!
One of my husband’s favorite meals is nothing fancy, but I love making it because he loves it. That’s satisfaction in itself. Yes?!
[print_this]Prosciutto and Aged Cheddar Eggins
- 5-6 eggs
- ½ cup egg whites
- ⅓ cream or almond milk
- diced sharp white cheddar cheese
- 8 slices prosciutto
- coconut or olive oil
- garlic and black pepper
- Red pepper flakes
- sriracha sauce to top if desired.
Directions:
Preheat oven to 400F. Whisk together eggs, milk, and seasoning. Place prosciutto at the bottom of each muffin cup in pan. Then pour batter into oiled muffin pans. Drop one small cup of sharp cheddar in each cup then season with red chili pepper on top. Place in oven for 13-15 minutes and broil the last 1-2 minutes. Let cool then serve as snack or meal. Oh and Definitely drizzle with sriracha sauce on top! [/print_this]
It might not be fancy, but it’s a recipe that’s easy to please, easy to make, and allows a little more time to BE THERE for my husband. This weekend I’ll be Sherpa-ing a race. You better believe I’ll BE THERE… WITH BELLS ON! No OTHER distractions.
What do you think it takes to be a better spouse, friend, etc? Being there (positive and present) is KEY… in my opinion! Yes?
Cheers,
LC
Such a sweet post. It is easy to forget, especially after time (9 years for me) that we still have to work at being good partner’s to each other. Especially when my husband travels for work, I realize how much I need and miss him. Great reminder and lovely tips.
good to know we all need to refocus, even after 9 years!
Love this, and I definitely needed this. I think sometimes I get caught up in the day-to-day routine that we can fall into a rut. We definitely institute a no phones/computers rule when we spend our time together because it can be such a huge distraction.
yes, guilty!! Trying to work on that… as we speak! 😉
Amazing post. Best post I have read in weeks! God has been convicting me to be present… with John David, friends, and in life. I tend to multi-task instead of being present!
Beautiful message, and a very necessary reminder! I especially love tip #3: “don’t be selfish with YOUR time, be selfish with your TOGETHER time.” I think this is the secret to any healthy, happy, and honest relationship–whether it be a friend, family member, or significant other. It’s the time that two people spend with one another that’s most important, and fosters love and understanding. <3
I've been waiting for this recipe!! Swoon! xoxo <3
Awe! Those eggins looked so great! I need to try that recipe out 🙂
oooh, I love number 3…it’s one I really struggle with – not being selfish with MY time, but OUR time. I’m going to keep that at the forefront of my mind all week!
ditto! and i keep repeating it to myself. Time to shift that focus. yes!
My tips would be don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t criticize! (Not that you would.) Don’t waste time together being upset about whatever. Be grateful and appreciative.
so true, and so wise Jess!
I love this. Being present is so very important!
First, I finally figured out the email subscription – DOH! 😉
LOVE THIS POST!!! Being present for each other!! Not a 1 way street – LOVE & that you are taking time for that – NO social media allowed! 🙂
I feel like many of us focus a bit too much on planning and thinking about how we can do something better rather than actually acting on it. I completely agree with the idea of being present, rather it be in a marriage, a friendship, or even the relationship you have with your self.
Oh and recipes that are nothing fancy are my favorite kind, I am all about the simple. 🙂
oh my gosh, yes. I think in my head all the time, then never follow through. that’s what i want to change. I want to BE ACTIVE!
You know, you always inspire me to think and be more mindful about how I am and how I’m being in my relationships with others. Love those tips and it’s incredible how 10 minutes can make a huge difference. I’ve been lost in Yonkers too – the hurry, hurry, work, work, rush, rush. Oy. Much needed reminder friend! xox
yep, for some reason I knew you could relate. Can we get a slow motion button? haha
Love this post! My husband and I find ourselves on our phones much too often when that time we’re out walking, sitting on the couch together, etc. should really be spent talking to each other or just enjoying being together. The world seems to move so fast that it’s easy to forget how important that together (fully-present) time is…I think we all need this reminder often!
Such a sweet post. I think it’s so important to keep technology off when you have limited time together. Which, I’ll be honest I am guilty of not doing. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s happening with someone, or the world that you forget that the most important thing in life is sitting right in front of you <3
Thanks for a great reminder. We get so caught up in the little details like work, cooking, writing, etc. that the important thing, real time with our spouse, can get lost.
exactly. Less time getting caught up and more time living it up!
Thanks for this, I needed it. I always feel I can do better. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in life that we forget about each other. Marriage is hard, and just following a few simple rules makes it so much better!
it is hard, but so worth the effort! agreed
It is really easy to be wrapped up in our own thoughts and distractions. The little things really are important.
(I have to admit that my first thought when I read “be there” was an episode of Friends, when the girls were telling Joey to “be there, for her” 😀 )
I only hope I am as lucky to find someone to love so much 🙂
Great tips… I’m guilty, too! Especially after a weekend away when I feel like there’s so much to catch up on. Have fun at the race this weekend!!
it’s a never ending game of catch up and trying not to stress . haha
Got to love salty Italian meats…LOL! Positive, present, patient, and a good listener are key in my opinion when it comes to my family, friends, and of course my wonderful clients. 🙂
Thank you so much for this post! I get wrapped up in daily things too much. I forget sometimes that time together doesn’t just happen – I have to make it happen 🙂
yes, well said friend.
Love!
No relationship is perfect ad I appreciate your honesty and openness. I really like tip #3 🙂 ” don’t be selfish with your time, be selfish with you TOGETHER time”. My husband and I both really appreciate our “me time” whether it be home alone for 20 mins while the other is still at work, or going on a run solo to be with me and my thoughts. When we were first married I think we were scared to admit that we liked our alone time, but now respect it. But I liked how you phrased it we should be “selfish” with our together time. When it’s not “me time” we should be all about each other and spending that quality time selfishly. Definitely agree.
Ps….I’ve gotta know, what is a Sherpa?!?!
I agree Molly. we need both, but we need to learn to be even more selfish with the time we share together, yes!
oh and the sherpa thing, here’s the post. LOL!
whoops, here it is https://www.cottercrunch.com/2012/01/sherpa-skills/
Love this! I have definitely been trying to focus on being HAPPIER. No, I am not married yet but we are already stuck together forever 😉 Kyle is always in a good mood, and I try my best to not let little things set me off like they used to
it’s so important and yet difficult to do, why is that? SHould be easier if we just give in and let the little things go, yes?!
Once again (shocker), your words are exactly what I needed to hear — I feel like I’ve fallen down on the job as proud wifey lately. Falling into old bad habits of being too connected, too distracted and not present enough. Talk about a big fail on the #presence2013 project huh?? It’s time to reset and re-embrace presence in ALL aspects of my life, most importantly those that impact my relationship with Scott. I want him to always feel cherished and special and IMPORTANT to me, and when I’m too disconnected, he feels everything BUT those things.
i think we’re on the same wave length these days, which means we can be accountable!
Nothing drives me crazy more than people pulling out their phone when I’m with them. I definitely agree that -really- BEING there is one of the most important things, so that the other person can feel like they’re important enough to you to have your FULL attention… just as long as you’re making sure that your full attention doesn’t involve a creepy stare-down.
full attention is deserved! amen!! I would want that, ya know?
Such a sweet post! Life can get so busy and sometimes time together can slip away, I know Mike is super busy in the week so we don’t have that much time together, but weekends we spend all the time together!
We are both very blessed with a good man! We deserve it!
Happy weekend! <3
you are such a good wife and good and focusing on his NEEDS. I respect you so much.
I love this post! It is so true, and I have to remind myself to be present in our relationship too. It is so easy after a long day to just flop down on the couch, turn on the TV, and watch it for hours without even talking to each other. I also completely agree with your “be flexible” suggestion. It is so true. I really don’t think Steve and I would have lasted almost 9 years, 2 deployments, and 5 moves (including one out of the country) if we both weren’t flexible! I think it is also important to be each other’s cheerleader even if you think the other one is just being stupid. I have crazy ideas and so does my husband. If it is important to him, it is important to me, and vise versa!
gosh i know you can relate on this and you do such an amazing job being there, so thank YOU for sharing such wisdom
The last few months I have been so wrapped up in what I am going through that I haven’t taken the time to serve or make time for my husband without distraction. I have been too busy on my phone, busy writing posts, and worrying about what I am going to eat next trying to juggle my food sensitivity mess. He is ever so patient with me (most times) but I definitely need to put away the phone (at the very least!) a lot more often! Regardless of what I am going through, this encourages me to be more present. We spend most of our time together, but the time could definitely be more ‘quality’. I think I need to make him a delicious dinner this weekend, whether I can eat it or not!
i think worrying takes a lot of time and energy. Hand it over to GOd and then be present. Let’s do it! I’m in!
The “be flexible” thing is huge for me – I have a tendency to just bulldoze around and only be OK with doing things on my time, but I find that when I just go with the flow and give up some of that control, that’s when Nate and I have the best time!
oh woman, i can relate. And when i do go with the flow, it’s so freeing!
I think being present is the most important thing when you’re spending time with someone. Technology is the worst when it comes to relationships. One of my biggest pet peeves is talking to someone and they whip out their phone or another piece of equipment. Obviously, I’m not important enough for their time or attention. I definitely called out my family the other day on technology when we were all sitting together and my mom and dad were on some form while I wasn’t! Lol.
oh i love that you called them out. My dad does that too. We need to shift focus on QUALITY time, yes?!
p.s. HOw are you healing?
Thanks for asking! To be completely honest, I’m not really sure how to answer. I think it’s going slow because it’s been such a long road. Also, I’m getting “spontaneous bleeding” in my knee which can happen after surgery… I just hope it stops.
It will be slow, but it will make you stronger. So sorry about the bleeding. Im saying a prayer!
one of my favorite things is taking a walk each evening with david. I feel like it really gives us both a moment to stop focusing on everything around us and just be with each other. i think you are a ROCK STAR spouse, so don’t sell yourself short!
The tip to not having to be a perfect spouse, but rather a happy spouse, struck a chord with me. I like that. A positive attitude and demeanor can have a huge impact.
I love the 10 minute no phone/distraction rule and how you wrote be selfish with your TOGETHER time.
I admit I sometimes will be visiting a friend and after a while I get anxious because I have to —>insert selfish stick-to-MY-routine activity here <—.
Like on Tuesday, I met my friend at WF and she wanted to go to the mall after and I had to decline because .. I HAD TO SWIM. *blush*
And that's not cool. She has a three year old and it is rare we get "just the two of us time."
Oh, sweet conviction.
guilty. guilty. guilty. Time to let our schedules rule and quality time be our focus. no watch needed
Beautiful post and so important. Good luck at the race this weekend. My sweet hubs will be Sherpa for me at my marathon. I’ll pay him back when he does his first Ironman next month. 🙂
I’m not your spouse… but can I haz your eggins? 😉
but youre my brother from another mother! equally important! and uh, lucifer .. your new spouse, yes?
What a sweet post! I may be spouse-less (and even just boyfriend-less) but definitely some good reminders for all of our relationships – with friends, family and those still to come. 🙂
yes, exactly! applies to all relationships. Indeed!
I’m guilty of so often just going through the motions – not because I don’t love my husband – just life and busyness!
Thanks for this list – I’m going to really focus more on our together time (and try not to be so selfish!!).
I LOVE THIS POST!
Don’t be selfish with YOUR time, be selfish with your TOGETHER time. <— agreed.
Last week, we were both running errands separately….running around doing things we needed to get done. In the middle of our trek, we made plans for a coffee date. It was sweet 🙂 Simple yet so meaningful to take time out and just be with each other.
Nicely said 🙂 A lovely sentiment that I TOO need to take to heart…. thanks for the reminder. Also, even though I don’t eat eggs, “Eggins” may just be the cutest word ever.
oh yes, i know you can relate. And you’ve got a little one to throw in the mix. HOw are you by the way? Update me on life via email soon. xxoo
this recipe does look tasty! i love what you said about BEING selfish with your time together! we have a date night planned for tonight 🙂
4.Don’t strive to be the perfect spouse, be a HAPPY spouse.
That is my favorite one, SO TRUE, and a lesson I learned the hard way in a past life 😉 Great post Lindsay!
me too friend. xxoo
This is a great reminder – for all of us. No. 1 is probably my biggest challenge. I get in my schedule and I don’t want to change it for anyone. I have to stop and gently remind myself what’s really important. No 2 we do well – walks are the best.
yes, so true. We need to remember that it’s not all about us, to be compassionate and change plans if needed. Oh that’s hard, but so worth it! yes?
You, from the sounds of it, are a wonderful spouse! I fully admit that in the midst of the hurry and the kids, we don’t make that daily time for each other. This is a great reminder to do so.
And love the looks of this recipe!
well, i don’t even have kids, so i have no excuse. LOL!
Such a lovely post Lindsay! I think you’ve made some amazing points, and I agree with them all, especially that point about not being selfish with your time. Nick and I try to spend quality time together on most nights, and that means (new rule..) NO PHONE OR IPAD! Oh many, who knew we’d ever have to make that rule?! IT’s tough, but it’s keeping our love strong 🙂
it’s so hard being super women right?! I remember one rule from our pre-marital class: make 15 hours of quality time for each other each week. That means just you two…watching a movie….walking…talking over a dinner…and we usually get 2-3 hours a day along with one full weekend day. It’s hard but it helps me make my hubby a priority amongst all of the crap every day – but none of us are perfect 😉
thats impressive! and so good for you both.
This post is so sweet – love it. I always think the most important gift you can give anyone is simply being there for them. People appreciate it more than you’d ever imagine. It really is the little things that mean the most. While I’m nowhere near getting married right now, this is definitely something I’m going to keep in mind and hopefully remember down the road. 🙂
yes, it totally think you can apply this all relationships, and just to be mindful, ya know?