This weekend was such a blur. A fast pace, good time, closure filled blur. Yes, I said closure. Actually, I didn’t even know that it was closure filled till late last night.
You see, yesterday the hubs was a PRO SPECTATOR at what suppose to be one of his last races of the season. They even called his name out at the starting line, whoops! But this guy did not start. He coached and cheered from the sidelines with me.
As we waited for one of his athletes to come out of transition, I turned to him and asked how he felt being here, not racing. He said he was happy, and in a way it brought some CLOSURE to this knee injury of his. I get that. Closure is part of the healing process, in fact I think it’s the most important part because it heals the heart and the mind. So now we are just waiting for that last bit of healing….the actual knee itself.
One Cotter Closure down, one to go. Which leads me to myself. ICK! But I know I am in need of some. You see, I am not good at being vulnerable and really speaking my mind. I am often told that I am a closed book, or rather vague. It’s a WALL and a defense mechanism. Well, closure to me means pulling down that wall, creating space for my own well being. My closure comes in words. Writing out how I feel, being okay with, and moving on.
- I used to compete in triathlons but now I am the triathlon “mom.” I like to take care of those competing instead. No need to justify that.
- I think of myself as a runner even though I am not really running these days. It’s about my passion for the sport, not the number of miles I log.
- My previous parasite/intestinal infection from 2 years came back. It recently took a toll on my gallbladder (hence the weekly doctor visits). I am frustrated for not taking care of myself fully in the first place. But I am allowed to feel this way, and I am finally doing something about it!
- Fear and anxiety used to consume me due to this infection. Each day I learn to let go of each a little more and trust my body is healing.
- I have “trained” for many running events thinking I am 100% healthy, but have quickly learned that God has other plans for me at the moment. One of them is patience.
- I now know why God puts us through certain physical trials, to build us back up stronger.
- I will now define my life by my daily aspirations, not by my accomplishments.
- I’ve learned that asking for help has made me more compassionate for others.
- It took me way to long to write this, but I did it. Sympathy is not my intention here, just writing for me…… for closure.
One step closer to healing, one moment of vulnerability embraced, one smile away from aspiring peace.
Cheers to Closure!
Congrats to Sio (Sio’n on the Run) for winning the CALM giveaway. Email me your address friend!